i just had sex bonerless
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
