I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
