Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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