So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
