Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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