I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
