I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
