is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
