I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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