did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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