It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize