Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
