What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
