rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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