At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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