i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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