If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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