The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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