Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
