The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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