remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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