Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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