I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
