the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
