Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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