I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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