Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Come on in and take your pants off
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