I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love having hate sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
