her vagina looked like bernie madoff
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sober January is a disaster.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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