My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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