I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
