Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
