last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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