Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.

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(940): View more from Texas

I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.

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(619): View more from California

So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.

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