You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
