I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
