Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
