It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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