You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
