you traded sex for a burrito?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
