The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
