oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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