My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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