I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize