so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
