This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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