You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
