I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
