My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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