I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
how drunk are you?
Several
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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