i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
