can u get pink eye on your cock?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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