im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
