I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
