I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
