I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
