That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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