cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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