i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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