i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
