I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
