I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
