So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
