Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
