I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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