I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize