She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
