did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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