I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
