It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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