I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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