I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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