I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
