I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
