some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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