i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there was a trapeze. enough said
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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