If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
