Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize